2,500-calorie snack!

That's close to how much I should eat in a day.  It would have been more, but the quick eating needed to gain weight is still something I need to work on.  I feel SOOO full right now.

• 0.75 boxes Lucky Charms
• 0.5 cartons whole milk
• 2 slices bread

Before and after (the rising shirt is just for effect):

Terminate the Tea Party

Sometimes the power of other countries to outlaw political parties has scared me.  It's exactly what Hitler did when he became Führer, to ensure no one could challenge his National Socialist (aka Nazi) Party.

But the funny thing is, extremists in the United States Republican Party since 1980 have taken the wind from the sails of moderate Republicans and Democrats.

Though on the verge of decline since the age of Reagan, democracy officially perished in 2010 with the decision on Citizens United.  Thus, with all major decisions left to corporate America—which is exclusively Republican as a result of Santorum, Norquist and DeLay—the United States truly is a one-party system, and those who swore to be the Republicans' rivals have let down their guard and defected.

My parents were the first people in our neighborhood to have an Obama 2012 sticker, but it wasn't long before they took it off and destroyed it because he caved in.

Let's be clear: When I advocate that extreme conservatism be outlawed, I just mean in our actual government.  I think support should continue to be expressed at fascism's whim (at least, until enough people see the light that it wanes and goes away).

Actually, ten years ago a documentary was made titled Orwell Rolls in His Grave, comparing the Republican tactics of lying to the dystopia of 1984.  If not for this deliberate misinformation and public friction therein, historians would (no doubt) readily rank these monsters right up there with Hitler, Stalin, Mao and Ivan the Terrible.

It is truly a human travesty that utilitarianism has been dismissed since the height of its popularity, in Enlightenment England.  What's that, you ask?  Just a system that involves making EVERYONE happy, and the belief that altruism makes for the best government.  Republicans have only one group they want to make happy: BILLIONAIRES!  Their attitude toward anyone and everyone else is summed up in Aladdin, by Jafar's maniacal laughter at the end of the "Prince Ali (Reprise)" number.

The number of billionaires in the world has more than doubled since 2006.  I cringe to report that it's actually also doubled since 2009, because it shows our system refused to heed the warning of abuse of power.  I know people who oppose the death penalty but say criminals should be removed from society and never have the chance to hurt people again—so should the people who issued the verdict of "too big to fail."

Homophobia at least has roots in religious fundamentalist thought, and can tangibly be spotted in places like the Old Testament.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but stealing from the working class and giving to CEOs is not condoned in any major religion.  Our date system is the Gregorian calendar, which is only recognized by countries with Christian majorities or English as an official language.  Having contradicted our own message, we are obviously unfit to use it.

Some versions of the Ten Commandments list "Thou shalt not kill" foremost, yet without much gun control, and things like the acquittal of George Zimmerman, I think gun violence has the potential to overtake obesity as the leading cause of death.  Who wants to live in a country where you're afraid to leave your house?  Nobody?  THEN DON'T VOTE REPUBLICAN!!

For me, the problem with these demons' supporters is not so much the views they hold as how they express it.  In a just country, both sides (or more) have their say without fear of being put down.  Not here.  I'm tired of apologizing for being liberal, Agnostic and/or gay—all of which I am—as a result of my enemies' negative perception.

When the Constitution was ratified in 1787, it was on the grounds that our two-party system would always house opposing viewpoints, but that victories would be tailored to BOTH sides and shared by BOTH.

"Elephant?  You're my elephant…and I love you, man!"
"Me too, donkey."

(You can't always get what you want, but you can always get a Bud Lite.)

All the time we get further and further from this ever happening again.  Republicans (and Democrats too, just to have a snowball's chance at competition) decidedly prefer to handle disputes like Stuart Larkin on Mad TV.

One of my favorite picture books as a kid was Manners, by Aliki—a book for early school-age children on everything about good social skills.  One page contains no words, but shows two boys, both heaving to take control of a toy truck for his own.  They drop it, it gets broken, and one boy gets angry while the other starts to cry.  If you don't understand (and care about) the point of this scene, stay out of politics so we can have even a 1% chance at recovering.

I wrote this as a prelude to my next piece, which is more relevant to this blog.

Fat shaming I regret!

If I had to list and rank the biggest regrets of my life, I would put "fat shaming" in the top five.

I never publicly put down a fat person, but I used to hate them strongly thanks to media influence.  Apart from "bears," pretty much all other areas of the gay community feel that way.

Really?  Are you that easily swayed?

• It's 100% necessary for the news media to be independent from interest groups so people can make their own decisions about issues.
• It is not immoral to eat more and exercise less than the media would like.  It's amoral—neither good nor bad.
• It's not a catastrophe that this lifestyle is being more and more the norm around the world.
• So what if life expectancy decreases?  The worst thing I can think of that might happen as a result is that gerontology could go the way of the 78 record, the VCR, and the Latin language.  Otherwise…

Check out my first fat fiction on the Internet!

http://plusheight4plusgut.deviantart.com/art/Alexa-s-Fat-Chance-Part-I-469501443

New fat fan fiction wiki up tonight!

http://fat-fiction.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page

And check out the first story, which I've added and anyone can contribute to.

Plus-sized actors…and their movies to hit my eyes!

I got this idea from the book I will end up reading.  I did skip ahead and one of the tips to appreciate fat, on the bottom of the page, is: "Rent movies with some cool fat actors."  Here are four the author mentioned, plus four I thought of independently.  They are listed with the entire list of films I've seen with them; I am a film buff, so they will all grow I'm sure.

Coincidentally, I'm planning to cast three of them in my big project, which I am determined to have be the first movie made entirely outside Los Angeles.

KATHY BATES
Misery; Fried Green Tomatoes; Dolores Claiborne; Titanic; Primary Colors; Rat Race; Around the World in 80 Days (2004); Little Black Book; Charlotte's Web (2006); Fred Claus; The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008); Revolutionary Road; The Blind Side; Valentine's Day

MARLON BRANDO
The Men; A Streetcar Named Desire; On the Waterfront; Sayonara; One-Eyed Jacks; The Godfather; Last Tango in Paris; Superman; Apocalypse Now

JOHN CANDY
1941; Heavy Metal; Spaceballs; Planes, Trains & Automobiles; The Great Outdoors; The Rescuers Down Under; Home Alone; JFK

OLIVER HARDY
With Laurel: Big Business; Laughing Gravy; The Flying Deuces; The Big Noise
Solo: The Wizard of Oz (1925)

VAL KILMER
Top Gun; Willow; Batman Forever; The Ghost and the Darkness; The Prince of Egypt; Planes

ROSIE O'DONNELL
Sleepless in Seattle; The Flintstones; Tarzan

QUEEN LATIFAH
Chicago; Bringing Down the House; Last Holiday; Stranger Than Fiction; Hairspray; Valentine's Day

WILLIAM SHATNER
Alexander the Great; White Comanche; Star Trek: The Motion Picture; Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan; Airplane II: The Sequel; Star Trek III: The Search for Spock; Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home; Star Trek V: The Final Frontier; Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country; National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1; Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story; Over the Hedge; Escape from Planet Earth

ORSON WELLES ([nar]=narration only)
Citizen Kane; Jane Eyre; The Stranger; The Third Man; The Long, Hot Summer; The Vikings (nar); Touch of Evil; David and Goliath; King of Kings (nar); Chimes at Midnight; A Man for All Seasons; Catch-22; Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (nar); The Muppet Movie

And *I'm* the annoying one?

I used to be very proud of (given I didn't think much about) my Sacramento residence.  But as time has marched on, I've grown to actively dislike the area.

There are many reasons I could bore you with, but I'll just focus on one: the superjocks.

I have no problem with people exercising as long as they keep other people's intentions and ability in mind--and properly operate their equipment.  But in the nineteenth fittest city in the country, both are far too much to ask.

I came out to my family in February that I have no problem whatsoever with people of an average body type, or people who are overweight.  The kinds of people I still begrudge are those who are anorexic, and those who are "overly athletic."

The first reason, as I hint at, is that they have no patience for people whose exercise level and ability are less than theirs.  I was never a jock in K-12 school, and I always take my time going up the stairs, but those who take them always go as fast as they can, rushing right by me.  Really?  It's my fault that I was a childhood klutz with bad motor skills?  I have improved, but...

Furthermore, I know bicycles help the environment, but one in twelve people downtown bikes to work.  And do they abide by proper bicycle etiquette?  No!  Most will ride on the sidewalk and the sidewalk alone.  I seem to be the only one who finds it irritating having to step inside.

But according to them, the irritating ones are people who are or would like to be overweight.  I can see why...but

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

(Homer Simpson)

Until I am rich and independent enough to move, and have a partner, I've decided to move to the area that works best for me...the least of the evils...wherever that may be.

What's keeping me from gaining?

In the past, family pressure, potential health problems, and sheer expense have driven me away from my desire to become what they call a superchub—but it's always only been a matter of time before it's come back.

So why am I not actively gaining now?  Well, here are the reasons:

1. SSI

Right now I'm taking college classes to lead to a better job.  I am currently on Social Supplemental Income (SSI), which pays between $600 and $700 a month.  I depend on it because of my difficulty holding a job, but of course I avoid a lifestyle of poverty only by living with my parents.  If I moved out right now, I would, as someone put it, make just enough to keep me alive.  But I am well above average height, so it may not even be so.  Naturally, this would interfere with the ability to buy extra food and larger clothes.

2. Disneyland

Yeah, I'm a sucker for Disney and my big goal for next year is to go back and revisit attractions that I've either never experienced or would like to try again after being overly apprehensive, as well as all the other staples. (Man…I haven't been there since I was 13…hopefully they're all still open.) It seems to be relatively rare that you have to be under a certain height (which mostly applies to kiddie rides anyway), but it's fairly common that people have been rejected from rides or experienced injuries for being too wide.  In fact, they had to build stronger boats for It's a Small World because one buckled and the patrons sank.  During my Los Angeles stay, I also plan to go to Six Flags Magic Mountain just to say I've been on many really intense rides—for what, unless things turn out otherwise, will be the last time I will be capable.

3. PE for GE

After I finish my current certificate, I plan to get the degree I really want: an associate's in Instructional Assisting—Special Education.  As anyone who's been to college knows, a certificate only requires the most relevant courses, but a degree encompasses general education, which no doubt includes an admittedly easy PE class.

The idea of getting as big as a cartoon character still sounds good to me, but I won't pursue it until I've taken care of these three things.

Why Grommr and Chasabl don't speak for me

Probably every member of the gaining or fat admiration scene of the gay community is on either Grommr (www.grommr.com) or Chasabl (www.chasabl.com)—two sites that have set back my progress in meeting people at all, let alone those who share my interest.

And I can tell you, the "bear" community in my God-forsaken hometown of Sacramento, California, is practically nonexistent.  The county has an obesity rate of 21.5% compared to the national average of about 35%.  Other cities have lower rates, but they still have more users on either sites.  Many local profiles are "former" users who apparently "saw the light" in exercise.

Given that 225 million Americans are overweight but only 30,000 people in the whole world are on either site, how else will I find a partner who tolerates, let alone shares, this desire unless on the sites?  Maybe I won't, but for the reasons I state in no particular order, neither site is "the lesser of two evils."

#1: The people are asocial.

What good is a social network (emphasis added) if half the users want to be left alone?  By the time I deleted my account, I had friended perhaps dozens of people who never looked at my profile (the site told me who did) or done anything to acknowledge my presence or interest in them.  All of the most publicized gainers on the Internet's underground had a Grommr…but all they wanted to do was post pictures.

It should be noted that there are a handful of users with Asperger's syndrome, and that, as far as willingness to interact, the tables have turned from them as children to the other users as adults.  Most of the Detached Ones, not surprisingly, lacked "Encourager" or "Admirer" classifications; I had a little more luck with ones who identified as such, and Chasabl was a whole different animal.

#2: The people are sexist.

In the past, homophobes might have implied that lack of romantic interest in women is the same as misogyny—and in the case of these sites, they'd be right.

One Grommr user made a very sexist remark that went along the lines of wishing for a woman to be hurt and calling her a "f**king bitch."  What I found especially upsetting was that some users (actually, only a handful) are not gay, but did nothing to stand up for their orientation.

#3: The people are mean if you say the wrong things.

On Grommr, after an insufficient number of people wished me a happy birthday, I threatened to leave the site.  Instead of acknowledging imperfections or apologizing or changing, one user said, sarcastically, "Au revoir!" and another user "nommed," or liked, it.

Last weekend I posted on Chasabl's wall: "Am I the only gainer who thinks this site is way better than Grommr?"  By the time I checked back, four users had responded; one was more neutral, but the other three attacked and abused me for asking an innocent question and committing the so-called sin of being a gainer on a maintaining site.

Enough said.

Actually, there are other gainers on Chasabl.  Why don't they just get mad at them too?  Now, mostly because of these insults, I'm done with both sites—probably forever.

I can't be the only gainer who doesn't like either of these sites…can I?  Maybe not.  Just listen to this quote from another blog I found:

I don’t like Grommr. I am very attracted to bigger guys but the egotism and sexism on the site is very unattractive. I’m smaller and wanting to get bigger and I just seem to be put down on every post! I just want to find a nice guy who’s into the same stuff!

Welcome!

Hi.  I'm Eric and this is my blog about my gaining journey.  I am a gay man in my early twenties and…well, I'll tell you why I'm here.

The desire to be so hasn't always been in me, but ever since I was a little kid, I've had fantasies about getting fat.  When I was a preteen, I daydreamed about having a son who I force-fed all the time, and his toy truck was on the menu.  I also frequently put a basketball in my shirt to look fatter.  The direct-to-video Scooby-Doo revival movies, especially The Witch's Ghost, had me spellbound by including scenes where Scooby and Shaggy devoured a risible number of calories in a scene or two.  When I hit puberty, the Holy Trinity of types of men with which I was preoccupied were buff, tall, and/or fat.

And, as hinted at in the blog's title, I already met one of those yardsticks.  When I was a toddler, my pediatrician predicted my adult height to be between 6' 4" and 6' 7".  I needed a special desk in elementary school and by the time I graduated, they basically said, "That's the tallest we can make it. Live with it."  My final height was beyond the projected range by one inch.

My preoccupation deepened in my teen years.  I spent much of my free time going onto search engines for images of anything having to do with fat, buffed and/or tall men. (I think fat women are ugly, but my romantic interest in women has waned and now vanished—what can I say?)

A guy who likes fat but agrees with health officials on the world's "obesity problem" is, to quote Robin Williams, "like an Amish hacker"—but don't think my thinking wasn't at all influenced by the news.  When I was 13, I watched the entire first season of Garfield & Friends on DVD.  The first segment of the third episode, "Nighty Nightmare," caused me to place Jim Davis on my liberal antidote to Bernard Goldberg's conservative book 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America.

But what really got me going—what really put me under the media's spell for a little more than two years—was Steven Greenstreet's documentary Killer at Large (2008).  It single-handedly turned me into a rabid health official-in-the-making.  I would have made a great poster boy for the WHO and other health organizations; I even held a poll on Facebook to see what, by popular opinion, was worse, this or the Holocaust.

I now regret that most of all, for more reasons than one.  Not only may it seem insensitive to Jews (and other subgroups), but now I realize that the media are obviously controlled by interest groups, among them health officials.  My main quarrel with this is that it's probably been years since we've seen a news flash or article that does not mirror my viewpoint from 2011-13.

On May 10, 2013, I discovered this blog: fatboydiet.tumblr.com, which finally caused me to give in.  I was introduced to all of the "gaining" literature and sites on the Internet, met some [people whom I thought were] friends, and decided to lead a "highly caloric, sedentary, and food-centric" life.

But I have to take care of some things first (they will soon be disclosed).  So until the time comes for some serious gaining, I will analyze Marilyn Wann's landmark fat acceptance book, FAT!SO?: Because You Don't Have to Apologize for Your Size, in a weekly series.

And welcome to my blog.