Why Grommr and Chasabl don't speak for me

Probably every member of the gaining or fat admiration scene of the gay community is on either Grommr (www.grommr.com) or Chasabl (www.chasabl.com)—two sites that have set back my progress in meeting people at all, let alone those who share my interest.

And I can tell you, the "bear" community in my God-forsaken hometown of Sacramento, California, is practically nonexistent.  The county has an obesity rate of 21.5% compared to the national average of about 35%.  Other cities have lower rates, but they still have more users on either sites.  Many local profiles are "former" users who apparently "saw the light" in exercise.

Given that 225 million Americans are overweight but only 30,000 people in the whole world are on either site, how else will I find a partner who tolerates, let alone shares, this desire unless on the sites?  Maybe I won't, but for the reasons I state in no particular order, neither site is "the lesser of two evils."

#1: The people are asocial.

What good is a social network (emphasis added) if half the users want to be left alone?  By the time I deleted my account, I had friended perhaps dozens of people who never looked at my profile (the site told me who did) or done anything to acknowledge my presence or interest in them.  All of the most publicized gainers on the Internet's underground had a Grommr…but all they wanted to do was post pictures.

It should be noted that there are a handful of users with Asperger's syndrome, and that, as far as willingness to interact, the tables have turned from them as children to the other users as adults.  Most of the Detached Ones, not surprisingly, lacked "Encourager" or "Admirer" classifications; I had a little more luck with ones who identified as such, and Chasabl was a whole different animal.

#2: The people are sexist.

In the past, homophobes might have implied that lack of romantic interest in women is the same as misogyny—and in the case of these sites, they'd be right.

One Grommr user made a very sexist remark that went along the lines of wishing for a woman to be hurt and calling her a "f**king bitch."  What I found especially upsetting was that some users (actually, only a handful) are not gay, but did nothing to stand up for their orientation.

#3: The people are mean if you say the wrong things.

On Grommr, after an insufficient number of people wished me a happy birthday, I threatened to leave the site.  Instead of acknowledging imperfections or apologizing or changing, one user said, sarcastically, "Au revoir!" and another user "nommed," or liked, it.

Last weekend I posted on Chasabl's wall: "Am I the only gainer who thinks this site is way better than Grommr?"  By the time I checked back, four users had responded; one was more neutral, but the other three attacked and abused me for asking an innocent question and committing the so-called sin of being a gainer on a maintaining site.

Enough said.

Actually, there are other gainers on Chasabl.  Why don't they just get mad at them too?  Now, mostly because of these insults, I'm done with both sites—probably forever.

I can't be the only gainer who doesn't like either of these sites…can I?  Maybe not.  Just listen to this quote from another blog I found:

I don’t like Grommr. I am very attracted to bigger guys but the egotism and sexism on the site is very unattractive. I’m smaller and wanting to get bigger and I just seem to be put down on every post! I just want to find a nice guy who’s into the same stuff!